X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 4CE27DEB5D for ; Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:53:09 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 13398-04 for ; Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:52:49 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 150.101.193.82 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=150.101.193.82; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 6CB54DEB5A for ; Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:52:48 +1000 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:52:41 +1000 Thread-Topic: Give it your Aussie Spirit Reply-To: Message-ID: <5d3401c6934b$6ec76770$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcaTS27ETZ5GJ8CqQuOBnq2qAjTp+w== From: To: Subject: Give it your Aussie Spirit Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:52:41 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_5D35_01C6939F.40737770" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2663 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 19 Jun 2006 02:52:41.0718 (UTC) FILETIME=[6EC9B160:01C6934B] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_5D35_01C6939F.40737770 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 Unable to read this email? Please click here =20 =20 Issue 199 - 19th June,2006 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads + All Men * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Fathers Day USA * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick =20 What an incredible game! What an amazing result! We hugged, shouted and danced around the living room at 1am. Even my 13 year old daughter got out of bed to watch the game with two of my sons. When Australia beat Japan in the World Cup Soccer 3-1, scoring all three goals in the last eight minutes of play, we all felt like running outside, setting off fireworks, and waking up the whole neighbourhood with loud explosions. Of course that scene was replicated millions of times all around Australia. It brought back memories of the time the Australians won the America's Cup in yachting, in Perth many years ago, when the then Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, almost declared a national holiday. =20 In the words of Paul Kent, sports correspondent for the Sydney paper, the Daily Telegraph, stationed in Germany:=20 =20 Seconds after Tim Cahill's first goal - the equaliser - John Aloisi ran to the Australian bench for a hurried word with coach Guus Hiddink. "Do you want one of the strikers to drop back to midfield?" Aloisi asked.=20 "No," Hiddink said, "Let's go for it. Let's go for the win. Let's not settle for 1-1." Two parts courage and three parts genius, Hiddink's bold gamble has created one of Australia's greatest sporting treasures. This match will be remembered for as long as they play soccer in this country. This game will be recalled whenever a list of great sporting moments is required. Australia had trailed since the 26th minute, when a controversial goal to Japan's Shunsuke Nakamura gave his side an unlikely, and perhaps undeserved, 1-0 lead. =20 Yet it rattled the Socceroos and they grew flustered and lost their shape in attack towards the end of the first half, frustrated at not finding the goal they felt they deserved. Hiddink calmed them and inspired them at the break. "Psychologically he said, 'Give it your Aussie spirit. Give it a go'" midfielder Marco Bresciano said. And so they regathered. Yet, with 83 minutes gone it appeared as though time would beat them and their World Cup was going to end, to all intent, after just one game. It is hard to believe what happened next. The normal bounds of reality were stretched and the impossible now seems only a small skip. Cahill scored the equaliser and, rather than then playing as if they had escaped with a lucky draw, Hiddink went to his instinct and instructed them to continue to attack. Japan was wilting under the 38C temperature and the high-energy needs of playing the Socceroos, all as the Australians kept on coming. Then the ball found Cahill again and, against all normal standards of reason, he hit the winner to give the Socceroos the lead. Afterwards defender Lucas Neill was asked if he realised he had just played in what would become one of the great moments in Australian sport.. Neill is a thinker, hardly the type to switch on to autopilot and answer questions with a numbing clich=E9. "You think so?" he said, his eyes narrowing in thought. "I hope so," he added. "I just think it epitomises what Australia's all about. "Every sport we compete in we've got this never-say-die attitude. We never know when to quit and we have all been brought up as winners and I think it has shone through again today." There was no better way to say it: Winners. Under the hard-baked sun, the Socceroos kept on giving and giving, even when at times they didn't have enough to give. Other teams might have quit, most probably would have.=20 The fact that these men didn't is why it is being spoken about today. "You're creating history," Neill said. "We're living the dream of a nation, not just of the soccer players. "Everybody's dream was to get Australia to the World Cup and now we're doing it." =20 Even Frank Farina, former coach of the Socceroos waxed eloquent when he said,=20 "Well I'm convinced there is a God and he supports the Socceroos. That comeback is something you wouldn't dare script, so I can only think someone up there is doing us some favours." =20 From our family's point of view, this was one of those moments of family togetherness that would live on for generations. Besides the World Cup and other sporting fixtures being great entertainment, they can also be great times of bonding for the family. =20 =20 Recently while in Perth speaking at a forum at Perth Town Hall on issues that affect the family, my good friend Dr Bruce Robinson took me to an Australia Rules game featuring the West Coast Eagles. I can't remember the score, but it was good fun and we became closer as a result. Bruce shared with me how he has taken his family from a young age to the Australian Rules Tournament and he can remember his father taking him. These sorts of sporting fixtures can become not only great entertainment events but ways to celebrate your family spirit. =20 Maybe watching such events can be an encouragement to your children in their attitude to life. Maybe the words of Socceroo's defender Lucas Neill have more than a ring of truth for us all.=20 =20 "We (Australians) never know when to quit and we have all been brought up as winners and I think it has shone through again today". =20 Lovework =20 =20 Why not book yourself and your family into a sporting game of your choice. Dr Bruce Robinson is a father of four. His best selling book, 'Fathering from the Fast Lane' Finch Publishing, www.finch.com.au says it all. If getting your children involved in sport and attending games as a family works for him, it can work for you and me. =20 Yours for more Aussie spirit Warwick Marsh =20 PS On Thursday 7th September 2006 we kick off our ten week, 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century at our Wollongong Campus. The course will be tougher than ever, but will feature some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia and some from around the world. 'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted, but if you would like to take your fatherhood skills to the next level, 'Good to Great' is worth a look. Check out the News & Info section for more information or email info@fathersonline.org with your details including phone contacts. ________________________________________=20 Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is=20 the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in=20 age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician,=20 songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he=20 can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 =20 =20 The best things you can give children, next to good habits are good memories. =20 Sydney J Harris back to top=20 =20 Laughter =20 Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?=20 Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter.=20 Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.=20 Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother.=20 _________________________________________________________________ Strangest Dream=20 "I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist.=20 =20 "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."=20 The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding:=20 "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"=20 back to top=20 =20 Single Dads + All Men =20 The Valuable Work of dids =20 By Tony Miller =20 I shed more than a few tears when I received this email this week. Why? Simply because it reflected why our work is so valuable and importantly that it is working. This young girl has shown us by her beautiful words that dad is still very much an important part of her life. It's not just a message to her dad, but to all our mums and dads out there. It's not about us, it's about our kids. There is a lesson in her email for all of us Tony Miller dids dids@nor.com.au =20 =20 Dear Tony,=20 I don't know if u will get to read this because i know that you are a very busy man, however, jus in case, by chance u happen to come across this email some time, id just like to tell you how deeply your site and work has touched me. =20 My name is emma, and i attend high school. Currently I'm in year 12 and for Community and Family studies (one of my subjects) we've been issued a research project on a service within our community. I came across ur site because i knew it was founded locally and it was something that appealed to me because my life has been turned upside down on more than one occasion by the separation of my parents. =20 Reading the emails and letters from other people across the country made me realise that what I've experienced is nothing compared to the hurt families and children have felt before me, and no matter how bad things get, there's always less fortunate people out there. Maybe it was selfish of me to feel the way i have, because I'm fortunate to have my dad still in my life. My parents get on ok and can still act civilly in the presence of one and other, more for the sake of my sister and i sometimes. =20 I love my dad so much and couldn't imagine not having him around. He's taught me so much, and after reading the statistics on your sight I'm very thankful for all the time i get to spend with him. =20 Thank you, u have made me realise just how important my dad is, and why i love him so much, and maybe now, I'll remind him a little more often. =20 I admire how u pick fathers up and help them in their time of need, and if half of Coffs Harbour (NSW, Australia) cares as much as you do, I'm sure it would be a better place. =20 Thanks again for what you have shown me, Sincerely Emma Name changed and details deleted for privacy reasons back to top=20 =20 All you need is Love =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 ORGAN TRANSPLANTATION:=20 LIFESAVING, AND LIFE-TESTING USA TODAY 6/13/2006 By Marilyn Elias =20 LOS ANGELES Comedian George Lopez vividly recalls lying on a gurney, waiting to be taken in for his kidney transplant 14 months ago. It was not a macho moment. =20 His wife, Ann, was the organ donor. An inborn defect had steadily eroded his kidney function, and his health. Tests showed that Ann's kidney was a good match. =20 Just before they wheeled her in for surgery, she gave George a note and her rosary. "I knew he was going to be by himself, so I gave him the rosary for comfort," she says. "And I told him in the note that this was a gift from my heart. I was doing it for our family." =20 George remembers: "I was in tears. I was scared to death. But I felt how much she loved me. It made me OK with the situation. I didn't know how it was going to come out. But at this end, I knew that I'd been loved." =20 A year has made a world of difference for the Lopezes. He leaped back into life with Ann's kidney; he was playing golf just 10 days after surgery. And he'll be golfing again, competitively, at the biennial U.S. Transplant Games, starting Saturday in Louisville. More than 1,200 organ recipients will compete in 12 sports at the five-day, Olympic-style event. =20 The Lopezes, both in jeans as they relax on the back patio of their comfortable suburban L.A. home, say there's no question that organ failure and transplant made their close marriage even closer. =20 Couples who ride the roller coaster of near-death and transplant for one spouse nearly always get off at a different place than they got on. It's often a better place, says Cheryl Jacobs, a transplant social worker at University of Minnesota Medical Center in Minneapolis. =20 But marriages can crumble under such challenges, she says. Partners who fare best tend to have tight bonds before crises set in, communicate openly and have flexible roles, Jacobs says. =20 =20 For example, if men who need heart transplants are too sick to ever go back to work, their wives may have to become primary breadwinners for the first time. Mates also might run the other way when confronted with caregiving they never expected. =20 A strong bond can help =20 Close couples can weather even the worst crises. Isabel Stenzel-Byrnes, 34, had cystic fibrosis from birth, which caused her lungs to gradually stop working. She met her husband, Andrew, 12 years ago at Stanford University. "I didn't hide a thing from him," she says. "I felt if he couldn't handle it, I didn't want to waste my time with him." =20 She and Andrew fell deeply in love. But it wasn't always easy, for either of them. "I was even using oxygen at night, which is not very sexy," Stenzel-Byrnes says. "He struggled with the fear of losing me. We were very open." =20 They made it through a few near-death crises together. And since her transplant 2 1/2 years ago, they have traveled extensively. =20 "We appreciate every minute we have together. We savor our time," she says. =20 Catherine Paykin, transplant programs director at the National Kidney Foundation, says she has learned to expect the unexpected from couples. She recalls the very traditional Italian-American patriarch who couldn't return to work even with a new heart and whose wife had to work into her late 60s to keep their health insurance. =20 "He cleaned the house from top to bottom and even took care of the grandkids. He became a different man," she says. =20 If partners don't change to meet new needs, the marriage may end, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, a faculty member at Brown University Medical School and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. =20 One of Haltzman's patients lost his job when his kidneys failed. The man's wife became the sole breadwinner. "He'd always been a passive person, and he became more passive, refusing even to do the dishes or help around the house," Haltzman says. A community group they belonged to sent a volunteer to help with household chores. The wife wound up leaving her husband for the helper. =20 A trial by fire =20 The crisis of organ failure and the drama of a transplant can amplify the strengths and weaknesses couples have going in, Jacobs says. =20 Nobody knows that better than Steven Nock, 56, a University of Virginia sociologist and the author of Marriage in Men's Lives. =20 A diabetic since age 11, he was near death from kidney failure five years ago. After doctors said he faced a five- to seven-year wait on the cadaver list, his wife, Daphne Spain, offered her kidney. =20 The transplant went fine, but Daphne nearly died because of a surgical error. (Fewer than 1% of donors have serious complications, says University of Minnesota transplant surgeon Arthur Matas.) =20 After the crisis, she had two years of almost constant pain and says she now "keeps discomfort at bay" with regular physical therapy. =20 Amazingly, Spain doesn't regret giving the kidney. =20 "We don't have kids, so I didn't give life to another human being in my 20s or 30s. Instead, I've given life to my husband in my 50s," she says. "I'm still here, and so is he. =20 "If anything, this has brought us closer." =20 Ann Lopez is baffled that so many people commend her altruism. "'I take my marriage vows seriously," she says. "You're supposed to cleave to one another in trouble. They don't understand. I love this man." back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 Well I am convinced there is a God=20 and he supports the Socceroos. That comeback is something=20 you wouldn't dare script, so I can only think someone up there=20 is doing us some favours. =20 Frank Farina former coach of Socceroos back to top=20 =20 Fathers Day USA Today is Father's Day in the United States of America.=20 This article has some very interesting statistics. =20 Father's Day by the Numbers Jun 13, 2006 by Maggie Gallagher=20 =20 =20 On Sunday, we appreciate all good men who are fathers, which is necessarily a bittersweet experience for Americans who mix a profound gratitude for the men who protect, provide and care for their children with the deep sadness of knowing so many children do not have a father they can count on.=20 =20 When Mrs. Grundy wanted to know the intimate habits of her neighbors, she had to sneak around, gossip and peer into living room windows. Today, we have the government to do the job for us. This June, the Centers for Disease Control released a new study titled "Fertility, Contraception and Fatherhood." Drawn from the National Survey of Family Growth, it provides the most intimate possible scientific look at the paternal lives of men between the ages of 15 and 44.=20 =20 Who becomes a good father? Well, it helps enormously if you live with your kids.=20 =20 Forty-nine percent of non-resident fathers say they never play with their kids, compared to less than 1 percent of resident fathers. Sixty-one percent of non-resident fathers never read to their kids, compared to 17 percent of live-in dads. Forty-two percent of non-resident dads confess they never talk to their children, compared to less than 3 percent of full-time fathers. Fifty-seven percent of non-resident fathers say they never eat with their kids, compared to less than 2 percent of live-in dads.=20 =20 And if you want to live with your children, it helps to get married first and stay married. Ninety percent of men in their first marriage who have a biological or adopted child are living with all their kids, compared to 60 percent of cohabiting men, 55 percent of remarried men, 39 percent of divorced single guys, and 35 percent of never-married (not cohabiting) men. By the age of 25, a quarter of men say they've fathered a child out of wedlock, and more than a third of all new fathers (married and single) say their child was unplanned.=20 =20 Maybe it's all that sex. By their early 40s, 63 percent of men have had at least six women sexually; 20 percent have had sexual relations with 20 women or more. On the other hand, 29 percent of men who marry for the first time in their early 20s were virgins. Even 8 percent of guys who married for the first time in their late 30s were virgins.=20 =20 One piece of good news: Divorce rates are dropping. Forty-seven percent of men who married before 1984 saw their marriages dissolve after 10 years, compared to just 30 percent of men who married in the early '90s. Men who have never cohabited are a catch. After 10 years, just 12 percent of such husbands have divorced, compared to 28 percent of those who cohabited with their wife. Coming from an intact family helps a little: 33.5 percent of men who did not live with both parents at age 14 divorced, compared to 24.5 percent of men whose parents stayed married.=20 =20 A college degree is a big plus: 14.5 percent of husbands with a bachelor's degree ended up divorced after 10 years, compared to 34 percent of men with a high school diploma. Latino men had by far the lowest divorce rates (20 percent after 10 years, compared to 28 percent for non-Hispanic whites and 35 percent of African-American men). For husbands, older is better: Just 17 percent of men who married for the first time at age 26 divorced, compared to 27 percent of men who married between 23 and 25 years of age.=20 =20 So, ladies, if you want to live divorce-free, here's the statistical recipe: Marry a 26-year-old college-educated Latino man who has never cohabited.=20 =20 One final piece of good news: 98 percent of all men with children agree, "The rewards of being a parent are worth it, despite the cost and the work it takes."=20 =20 Happy Father's Day.=20 =20 Maggie Gallagher is the author of three books on the marriage movement and a nationally syndicated columnist. Copyright =A9 2006 Universal Press Syndicate=20 back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 BIG DAY OUT Health & Lifestyle Expo was held on Sat 17 June Hosted by AHM Total Health for BlueScope Steel employees, contractors and families =20 The Fatherhood Foundation: Drew, Tony, Jason and Warwick met a lot of new friends at BlueScope Steel's BIG DAY OUT. Their objectives read a lot like the Fatherhood Foundation goals: love, laughter, listen, learn - healthy living by having happy and loving family relationships. We have many new readers today because of the Big Day Out and we hope that you enjoy our weekly newsletter and find ideas and ways that you can be a great dad to your children. =20 Objective of Big Day Out To facilitate change through: Discussion with family and friends Having fun Providing informative material for visitor to consider =20 Give employees and their families: Access to health information relating to key health issues: # Weight management # Exercise # Stress management # Tips to assist them take positive actions to assist, improve their general health. # An opportunity to discuss key health information with qualified people =20 GOOD to great - the challenge =20 The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS.=20 =20 Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus=20 Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks=20 =20 'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world's greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him.=20 =20 Modelled on the training plan of Australia's elite special forces, the SAS. The Australian SAS is one of the greatest special service military units in the world. The training for SAS recruits produces soldiers who are the best of the best - proficient, disciplined and committed leaders. Becoming a 'Father of Excellence' will require a similar standard of single-mindedness and devotion. The challenges and inspiration to be gained will equip men to be effective servant leaders well able to challenge and inspire those around them.=20 =20 Hear from fathers who have succeeded at what matters the most Each week of 'Good to Great', you and your colleagues will be issued with field exercises. These exercises will involve you increasing your level of practical fatherhood skills. One such assignment will be to set one night a week aside for family dinner. Another, to take your wife away for a romantic weekend. Each dad will have a mentor. These fathers will share their weaknesses and strengths and their keys for success as a father. A pooling of our knowledge and skills will help us all to be more effective. Everybody has something to contribute to one another's development. =20 If you are up to the challenge and opportunity of being a father by which other fathers can set their compass, then 'Good to Great' is for you. Be more than a man, be a Father of Excellence. Do it now. Do it for your children, yourself, your wife and family and your nation. =20 A questionnaire and enrolment form is available.=20 Please email info@fathersonline.org with your name and phone number to request an enrolment form. =20 Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity. =20 Letters =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Hi there, how do I apply for The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course? How much does it cost? =20 I read fathersonline each week, its great!!!! Ric =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *=20 =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Firstly, LUV your newsletter, look forward to it, read it and always find some thing I can add to my fathering "tool kit. =20 Secondly "Good to Great" sounds wonderful, can you send me a application form and details =20 Finally , what about guys that can't go to Wollongong full time, are there part time distance education options available (eg. correspondence course?) =20 Look forward to your reply =20 David, (Dumped Deserted Divorced Dedicated but not Desperate and no longer Depressed Dad of two Beautiful sons) =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *=20 =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 I am a divorced father of 3 children. I currently pay the Child Support Agency assessed amount of support to my ex wife for the children. I am in a job where I earn approx 70,000 PA (Police Service). I have been studying in recent times to gain the qualifications and experience I require to leave my present job and start my own business. This will mean that in the short term I will take a substantial reduction in pay at least until the business is up and running successfully. I am hopeful the business will, after it is established, be earning far in excess of what my current wage is. =20 I have been told if I leave my current job (of my own free will) and start earning less in my new business, I should immediately submit an estimation of earnings for the next financial year. My ex wife is then entitled to seek a review and it is more than likely that I will have to continue paying the CSA assessed amount as if I was still in the police service, simply because I still have the ability to be a police officer. =20 How is this fair? Especially given my ex wife was in employment as a bookkeeper / legal secretary and chose to give that up when we split and enrol in university studies. She now earns nothing other than what the government gives her and the child support I provide. Doesn't she have the ability to still do what she used to do? =20 The whole system seems extremely gender biased to me. Name withheld=20 back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer =20 =20 Dear God =20 I hope you don't mind me asking you a special favour, but it's like this . . . I'm an Australian=20 and I would like to see Australia win the World Cup. I know that sounds a little biased, but I don't think I am really. One-eyed maybe, but not biased. Anyway, I know you have a lot on your mind but would you give a bit of a shove from behind the scenes? No bolts of lightening, no thunderclaps, just goals, that's all I ask for and lots of them. Even Frank Farina says you are on our side. He seems to have had a conversion experience and all because of our miracle win against Japan. Be nice to everyone else, but just help Australia win. That's all I ask. back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. =20 If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 =20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA =20 The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_5D35_01C6939F.40737770 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 199 - 19th June,2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

What an incredible game! What an amazing result! We hugged, shouted and danced around the living room at 1am. Even my 13 year old daughter got out of bed to watch the game with two of my sons.  When Australia beat Japan in the World Cup Soccer 3-1, scoring all three goals in the last eight minutes of play, we all felt like running outside, setting off fireworks, and waking up the whole neighbourhood with loud explosions.  Of course that scene was replicated millions of times all around Australia.  It brought back memories of the time the Australians won the America's Cup in yachting, in Perth many years ago, when the then Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, almost declared a national holiday.

 

In the words of Paul Kent, sports correspondent for the Sydney paper, the Daily Telegraph, stationed in Germany:

 

Seconds after Tim Cahill's first goal - the equaliser - John Aloisi ran to the Australian bench for a hurried word with coach Guus Hiddink.

"Do you want one of the strikers to drop back to midfield?" Aloisi asked.

"No," Hiddink said, "Let's go for it.  Let's go for the win. Let's not settle for 1-1."

Two parts courage and three parts genius, Hiddink's bold gamble has created one of Australia's greatest sporting treasures.

This match will be remembered for as long as they play soccer in this country.  This game will be recalled whenever a list of great sporting moments is required. Australia had trailed since the 26th minute, when a controversial goal to Japan's Shunsuke Nakamura gave his side an unlikely, and perhaps undeserved, 1-0 lead. 

Yet it rattled the Socceroos and they grew flustered and lost their shape in attack towards the end of the first half, frustrated at not finding the goal they felt they deserved.

Hiddink calmed them and inspired them at the break.

"Psychologically he said, 'Give it your Aussie spirit. Give it a go'" midfielder Marco Bresciano said.

And so they regathered. Yet, with 83 minutes gone it appeared as though time would beat them and their World Cup was going to end, to all intent, after just one game.

It is hard to believe what happened next. The normal bounds of reality were stretched and the impossible now seems only a small skip.

Cahill scored the equaliser and, rather than then playing as if they had escaped with a lucky draw, Hiddink went to his instinct and instructed them to continue to attack.

Japan was wilting under the 38C temperature and the high-energy needs of playing the Socceroos, all as the Australians kept on coming. Then the ball found Cahill again and, against all normal standards of reason, he hit the winner to give the Socceroos the lead.

Afterwards defender Lucas Neill was asked if he realised he had just played in what would become one of the great moments in Australian sport..

Neill is a thinker, hardly the type to switch on to autopilot and answer questions with a numbing cliché.

"You think so?" he said, his eyes narrowing in thought. "I hope so," he added. "I just think it epitomises what Australia's all about.

"Every sport we compete in we've got this never-say-die attitude. We never know when to quit and we have all been brought up as winners and I think it has shone through again today."

There was no better way to say it: Winners.

Under the hard-baked sun, the Socceroos kept on giving and giving, even when at times they didn't have enough to give.

Other teams might have quit, most probably would have.

The fact that these men didn't is why it is being spoken about today.

"You're creating history," Neill said. "We're living the dream of a nation, not just of the soccer players.

"Everybody's dream was to get Australia to the World Cup and now we're doing it."

 

Even Frank Farina, former coach of the Socceroos waxed eloquent when he said,

"Well I'm convinced there is a God and he supports the Socceroos.  That comeback is something you wouldn't dare script, so I can only think someone up there is doing us some favours."

 

From our family's point of view, this was one of those moments of family togetherness that would live on for generations. Besides the World Cup and other sporting fixtures being great entertainment, they can also be great times of bonding for the family.

 

Recently while in Perth speaking at a forum at Perth Town Hall on issues that affect the family, my good friend Dr Bruce Robinson took me to an Australia Rules game featuring the West Coast Eagles.  I can't remember the score, but it was good fun and we became closer as a result.  Bruce shared with me how he has taken his family from a young age to the Australian Rules Tournament and he can remember his father taking him.  These sorts of sporting fixtures can become not only great entertainment events but ways to celebrate your family spirit.

 

Maybe watching such events can be an encouragement to your children in their attitude to life.  Maybe the words of Socceroo's defender Lucas Neill have more than a ring of truth for us all.

 

"We (Australians) never know when to quit and we have all been brought up as winners and I think it has shone through again today".

 

Lovework

 

Why not book yourself and your family into a sporting game of your choice. Dr Bruce Robinson is a father of four.  His best selling book, 'Fathering from the Fast Lane' Finch Publishing, www.finch.com.au  says it all.  If getting your children involved in sport and attending games as a family works for him, it can work for you and me.

 

Yours for more Aussie spirit

Warwick Marsh

 

PS On Thursday 7th September 2006 we kick off our ten week, 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century at our Wollongong Campus.  The course will be tougher than ever, but will feature some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia and some from around the world.  'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted, but if you would like to take your fatherhood skills to the next level, 'Good to Great' is worth a look.  Check out the News & Info section for more information or email info@fathersonline.org with your details including phone contacts.

________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

        

The best things you can give children,

next to good habits

are good memories.

 

Sydney J Harris

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Laughter


Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.

Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother.

_________________________________________________________________

Strangest Dream

"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist.

"I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding:

"A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"

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Single Dads + All Men

 

The Valuable Work of dids

By Tony Miller

 

I shed more than a few tears when I received this email this week. Why? Simply because it reflected why our work is so valuable and importantly that it is working. This young girl has shown us by her beautiful words that dad is still very much an important part of her life. It's not just a message to her dad, but to all our mums and dads out there. It's not about us, it's about our kids. There is a lesson in her email for all of us

Tony Miller dids

dids@nor.com.au

 

Dear Tony,

I don't know if u will get to read this because i know that you are a very busy man, however, jus in case, by chance u happen to come across this email some time, id just like to tell you how deeply your site and work has touched me.

 

My name is emma, and i attend high school. Currently I'm in year 12 and for Community and Family studies (one of my subjects) we've been issued a research project on a service within our community. I came across ur site because i knew it was founded locally and it was something that appealed to me because my life has been turned upside down on more than one occasion by the separation of my parents.

 

Reading the emails and letters from other people across the country made me realise that what I've experienced is nothing compared to the hurt families and children have felt before me, and no matter how bad things get, there's always less fortunate people out there. Maybe it was selfish of me to feel the way i have, because I'm fortunate to have my dad still in my life. My parents get on ok and can still act civilly in the presence of one and other, more for the sake of my sister and i sometimes.

 

I love my dad so much and couldn't imagine not having him around. He's taught me so much, and after reading the statistics on your sight I'm very thankful for all the time i get to spend with him.

 

Thank you, u have made me realise just how important my dad is, and why i love him so much, and maybe now, I'll remind him a little more often.

 

I admire how u pick fathers up and help them in their time of need, and if half of Coffs Harbour (NSW, Australia) cares as much as you do, I'm sure it would be a better place.

 

Thanks again for what you have shown me,

Sincerely

Emma

Name changed and details deleted for privacy reasons

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All you need is Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ORGAN TRANSPLANTATION:

LIFESAVING, AND LIFE-TESTING

USA TODAY 6/13/2006

By Marilyn Elias

 

LOS ANGELES Comedian George Lopez vividly recalls lying on a gurney, waiting to be taken in for his kidney transplant 14 months ago. It was not a macho moment.

 

His wife, Ann, was the organ donor. An inborn defect had steadily eroded his kidney function, and his health. Tests showed that Ann's kidney was a good match.

 

Just before they wheeled her in for surgery, she gave George a note and her rosary. "I knew he was going to be by himself, so I gave him the rosary for comfort," she says. "And I told him in the note that this was a gift from my heart. I was doing it for our family."

 

George remembers: "I was in tears. I was scared to death. But I felt how much she loved me. It made me OK with the situation. I didn't know how it was going to come out. But at this end, I knew that I'd been loved."

 

A year has made a world of difference for the Lopezes. He leaped back into life with Ann's kidney; he was playing golf just 10 days after surgery. And he'll be golfing again, competitively, at the biennial U.S. Transplant Games, starting Saturday in Louisville. More than 1,200 organ recipients will compete in 12 sports at the five-day, Olympic-style event.

 

The Lopezes, both in jeans as they relax on the back patio of their comfortable suburban L.A. home, say there's no question that organ failure and transplant made their close marriage even closer.

 

Couples who ride the roller coaster of near-death and transplant for one spouse nearly always get off at a different place than they got on. It's often a better place, says Cheryl Jacobs, a transplant social worker at University of Minnesota Medical Center in Minneapolis.

 

But marriages can crumble under such challenges, she says. Partners who fare best tend to have tight bonds before crises set in, communicate openly and have flexible roles, Jacobs says.

 

For example, if men who need heart transplants are too sick to ever go back to work, their wives may have to become primary breadwinners for the first time. Mates also might run the other way when confronted with caregiving they never expected.

 

A strong bond can help

 

Close couples can weather even the worst crises. Isabel Stenzel-Byrnes, 34, had cystic fibrosis from birth, which caused her lungs to gradually stop working. She met her husband, Andrew, 12 years ago at Stanford University. "I didn't hide a thing from him," she says. "I felt if he couldn't handle it, I didn't want to waste my time with him."

 

She and Andrew fell deeply in love. But it wasn't always easy, for either of them. "I was even using oxygen at night, which is not very sexy," Stenzel-Byrnes says. "He struggled with the fear of losing me. We were very open."

 

They made it through a few near-death crises together. And since her transplant 2 1/2 years ago, they have traveled extensively.

 

"We appreciate every minute we have together. We savor our time," she says.

 

Catherine Paykin, transplant programs director at the National Kidney Foundation, says she has learned to expect the unexpected from couples. She recalls the very traditional Italian-American patriarch who couldn't return to work even with a new heart and whose wife had to work into her late 60s to keep their health insurance.

 

"He cleaned the house from top to bottom and even took care of the grandkids. He became a different man," she says.

 

If partners don't change to meet new needs, the marriage may end, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, a faculty member at Brown University Medical School and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men.

 

One of Haltzman's patients lost his job when his kidneys failed. The man's wife became the sole breadwinner. "He'd always been a passive person, and he became more passive, refusing even to do the dishes or help around the house," Haltzman says. A community group they belonged to sent a volunteer to help with household chores. The wife wound up leaving her husband for the helper.

 

A trial by fire

 

The crisis of organ failure and the drama of a transplant can amplify the strengths and weaknesses couples have going in, Jacobs says.

 

Nobody knows that better than Steven Nock, 56, a University of Virginia sociologist and the author of Marriage in Men's Lives.

 

A diabetic since age 11, he was near death from kidney failure five years ago. After doctors said he faced a five- to seven-year wait on the cadaver list, his wife, Daphne Spain, offered her kidney.

 

The transplant went fine, but Daphne nearly died because of a surgical error. (Fewer than 1% of donors have serious complications, says University of Minnesota transplant surgeon Arthur Matas.)

 

After the crisis, she had two years of almost constant pain and says she now "keeps discomfort at bay" with regular physical therapy.

 

Amazingly, Spain doesn't regret giving the kidney.

 

"We don't have kids, so I didn't give life to another human being in my 20s or 30s. Instead, I've given life to my husband in my 50s," she says. "I'm still here, and so is he.

 

"If anything, this has brought us closer."

 

Ann Lopez is baffled that so many people commend her altruism. "'I take my marriage vows seriously," she says. "You're supposed to cleave to one another in trouble. They don't understand. I love this man."

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Thought of the Week

Well I am convinced there is a God

and he supports the Socceroos.

That comeback is something

you wouldn't dare script,

so I can only think someone up there

is doing us some favours.

 

Frank Farina

former coach of Socceroos

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Fathers Day USA

Today is Father's Day in the United States of America.

This article has some very interesting statistics.

 

Father's Day by the Numbers

Jun 13, 2006

by Maggie Gallagher

 

On Sunday, we appreciate all good men who are fathers, which is necessarily a bittersweet experience for Americans who mix a profound gratitude for the men who protect, provide and care for their children with the deep sadness of knowing so many children do not have a father they can count on.

 

When Mrs. Grundy wanted to know the intimate habits of her neighbors, she had to sneak around, gossip and peer into living room windows. Today, we have the government to do the job for us. This June, the Centers for Disease Control released a new study titled "Fertility, Contraception and Fatherhood." Drawn from the National Survey of Family Growth, it provides the most intimate possible scientific look at the paternal lives of men between the ages of 15 and 44.

 

Who becomes a good father? Well, it helps enormously if you live with your kids.

 

Forty-nine percent of non-resident fathers say they never play with their kids, compared to less than 1 percent of resident fathers. Sixty-one percent of non-resident fathers never read to their kids, compared to 17 percent of live-in dads. Forty-two percent of non-resident dads confess they never talk to their children, compared to less than 3 percent of full-time fathers. Fifty-seven percent of non-resident fathers say they never eat with their kids, compared to less than 2 percent of live-in dads.

 

And if you want to live with your children, it helps to get married first and stay married. Ninety percent of men in their first marriage who have a biological or adopted child are living with all their kids, compared to 60 percent of cohabiting men, 55 percent of remarried men, 39 percent of divorced single guys, and 35 percent of never-married (not cohabiting) men. By the age of 25, a quarter of men say they've fathered a child out of wedlock, and more than a third of all new fathers (married and single) say their child was unplanned.

 

Maybe it's all that sex. By their early 40s, 63 percent of men have had at least six women sexually; 20 percent have had sexual relations with 20 women or more. On the other hand, 29 percent of men who marry for the first time in their early 20s were virgins. Even 8 percent of guys who married for the first time in their late 30s were virgins.

 

One piece of good news: Divorce rates are dropping. Forty-seven percent of men who married before 1984 saw their marriages dissolve after 10 years, compared to just 30 percent of men who married in the early '90s.

 

Men who have never cohabited are a catch. After 10 years, just 12 percent of such husbands have divorced, compared to 28 percent of those who cohabited with their wife. Coming from an intact family helps a little: 33.5 percent of men who did not live with both parents at age 14 divorced, compared to 24.5 percent of men whose parents stayed married.

 

A college degree is a big plus: 14.5 percent of husbands with a bachelor's degree ended up divorced after 10 years, compared to 34 percent of men with a high school diploma. Latino men had by far the lowest divorce rates (20 percent after 10 years, compared to 28 percent for non-Hispanic whites and 35 percent of African-American men). For husbands, older is better: Just 17 percent of men who married for the first time at age 26 divorced, compared to 27 percent of men who married between 23 and 25 years of age.

 

So, ladies, if you want to live divorce-free, here's the statistical recipe: Marry a 26-year-old college-educated Latino man who has never cohabited.

 

One final piece of good news: 98 percent of all men with children agree, "The rewards of being a parent are worth it, despite the cost and the work it takes."

 

Happy Father's Day.

 

Maggie Gallagher is the author of three books on the marriage movement and a nationally syndicated columnist.

Copyright © 2006 Universal Press Syndicate

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News & Info




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BIG DAY OUT

Health & Lifestyle Expo was held on Sat 17 June

Hosted by AHM Total Health for BlueScope Steel employees, contractors and families

 

The Fatherhood Foundation: Drew, Tony, Jason and Warwick met a lot of new friends at BlueScope Steel's BIG DAY OUT. Their objectives read a lot like the Fatherhood Foundation goals: love, laughter, listen, learn - healthy living by having happy and loving family relationships.  We have many new readers today because of the Big Day Out and we hope that you enjoy our weekly newsletter and find ideas and ways that you can be a great dad to your children.

 

Objective of Big Day Out

To facilitate change through:

Discussion with family and friends

Having fun

Providing informative material for visitor to consider

 

Give employees and their families:

Access to health information relating to key health issues:

# Weight management

# Exercise

# Stress management

# Tips to assist them take positive actions to assist, improve their general health.

# An opportunity to discuss key health information with qualified people

 

GOOD  to  great  -  the  challenge

 

The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS.

 

Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus

Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks

 

'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world's greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him.

 

Modelled on the training plan of Australia's elite special forces, the SAS.

The Australian SAS is one of the greatest special service military units in the world. The training for SAS recruits produces soldiers who are the best of the best - proficient, disciplined and committed leaders. Becoming a 'Father of Excellence' will require a similar standard of single-mindedness and devotion. The challenges and inspiration to be gained will equip men to be effective servant leaders well able to challenge and inspire those around them.

 

Hear from fathers who have succeeded at what matters the most

Each week of 'Good to Great', you and your colleagues will be issued with field exercises. These exercises will involve you increasing your level of practical fatherhood skills. One such assignment will be to set one night a week aside for family dinner. Another, to take your wife away for a romantic weekend. Each dad will have a mentor. These fathers will share their weaknesses and strengths and their keys for success as a father. A pooling of our knowledge and skills will help us all to be more effective. Everybody has something to contribute to one another's development.

 

If you are up to the challenge and opportunity of being a father by which other fathers can set their compass, then 'Good to Great' is for you. Be more than a man, be a Father of Excellence. Do it now. Do it for your children, yourself, your wife and family and your nation.

 

A questionnaire and enrolment form is available.

Please email info@fathersonline.org  with your name and phone number to request an enrolment form.

 

Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity.

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Hi there, how do I apply for The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course? How much does it cost?

 

I read fathersonline each week, its great!!!!

Ric

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Firstly, LUV your newsletter, look forward to it, read it and always find some thing I can add to my fathering "tool kit.

 

Secondly "Good to Great" sounds wonderful, can you send me a application form and details

 

Finally , what about guys that can't go to Wollongong full time, are there part time distance education options available (eg. correspondence course?)

 

Look forward to your reply

 

David, (Dumped Deserted Divorced Dedicated but not Desperate and no longer Depressed Dad of two Beautiful sons)

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I am a divorced father of 3 children.  I currently pay the Child Support Agency assessed amount of support to my ex wife for the children. I am in a job where I earn approx 70,000 PA (Police Service).  I have been studying in recent times to gain the qualifications and experience I require to leave my present job and start my own business.  This will mean that in the short term I will take a substantial reduction in pay at least until the business is up and running successfully.  I am hopeful the business will, after it is established, be earning far in excess of what my current wage is.

 

I have been told if I leave my current job (of my own free will) and start earning less in my new business, I should immediately submit an estimation of earnings for the next financial year.  My ex wife is then entitled to seek a review and it is more than likely that I will have to continue paying the CSA assessed amount as if I was still in the police service, simply because I still have the ability to be a police officer.

 

How is this fair? Especially given my ex wife was in employment as a bookkeeper / legal secretary and chose to give that up when we split and enrol in university studies.  She now earns nothing other than what the government gives her and the child support I provide.  Doesn't she have the ability to still do what she used to do?

 

The whole system seems extremely gender biased to me.

Name withheld 

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

 

I hope you don't mind me asking you a special favour,

but it's like this . . .

I'm an Australian

and I would like to see Australia win the World Cup.

I know that sounds a little biased,

but I don't think I am really.

One-eyed maybe, but not biased.

Anyway, I know you have a lot on your mind

but would you give a bit of a shove from behind the scenes?

No bolts of lightening, no thunderclaps,

just goals, that's all I ask for and lots of them.

Even Frank Farina says you are on our side.

He seems to have had a conversion experience

and all because of our miracle win against Japan.

Be nice to everyone else,

but just help Australia win.

That's all I ask.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.
The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:
Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 
Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA
 
The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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